So here I am...

I don't know exactly what it is that compels me to tell my story. But here I am in any case, and, cloaked in relative anonymity, I intend to share the thoughts and fantasises that have been with me ever since, as a child of eight. I think I first realised I had a fascination with the drama and theatre of execution when I watched a BBC documentary on the life and death of Anne Boleyn.

It wasn't until later, as a developing teenager, that I found myself feeling strangely aroused by women on the scaffold. I felt like I was some kind of deviant, something unnatural or damaged and did my best to bury these feelings as deep as I could. However, over the years, they have fought and fought hard to find a way to escape. Every time I see images, in film and TV, of women facing execution by hanging or beheading, all of these feelings resurface with a vengeance.

So, having acknowledged that I have a neck fetish as well, I have finally given in, and will use these pages as a way to say things to a wider audience that I would not dare to do without the veil of anonymity. I will share my random thoughts, some of the stories I have felt compelled to write, and anything else that comes to mind that's on topic.

I have had a particular fascination with medieval and 17th/18th century public execution - life was so cheap in those days - and many women died on the gallows for "crimes" that were committed to meet the basic need to survive. What fascinates me is the combination of vulnerability, femininity, and sexual tension - as well as the idea of a poor, helpless victim subject to the full weight of the state's ultimate sanction.

As a society, we treat women differently, and as such, the execution of women has never been taken lightly. However, the image of a distressed, pretty maiden, in full period dress (scoop-necked of course) being led to her execution, the spectre of the gallows or guillotine looming ever larger, stirs feelings in me that I would rather not acknowledge. Why? Because that is the straight-jacket that society has put me in. To express such feelings publicly would expose me to ridicule and social sanction.

It is difficult to explain without being subject to outrage and disgust - I have no ill feeling toward women. I consider myself relatively well-adjusted. I have no difficulty drawing a very firm line between fantasy and reality. There are only a handful of people who know about these feelings, and my wife is one of them. However, I have such tremendous respect for her that I never discuss them with her, because as much as she loves me, she finds it uncomfortable.

So, here I am. This is my outlet. In the coming weeks and months I will share. If you don't like what I have to say, that's your prerogative. Vote with your feet. I know I am not alone out there, so if you find some commonality with this theme, I hope you stay with me on my journey.


(The screen capture above is from the television mini-series "Dark Shadows" shown in the US in the early 90's. In one of my favourite TV gallows scenes, Victoria Winters (played by actress Joanna Going) is hanged as a witch in late 17th century New England)